I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
