There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
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Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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