i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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