I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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