Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
