Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
