i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
