I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
