I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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