Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
MIDGETS
????
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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