So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
