I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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