Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
