So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
