we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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