Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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