This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
