6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize