I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
