I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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