shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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