Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
