You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
