apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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