Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
