i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
