oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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