I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You pole danced in your parka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
