You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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