you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
