there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I need a beard to bite.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
