Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.