Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.