The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life