So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major