Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
4 words: hood of his car
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?