That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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