:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
