Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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