I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
