I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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