i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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