I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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