U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
