Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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