I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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