I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
