Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize