do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
