i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Dear god my vagina.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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