Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
