And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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