Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
