I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm both gender and math confused
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
