He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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