i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
