I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
