i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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