dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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