I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
