i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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