If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
