He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
