I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
