i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
