sarcasm needs its own font
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
