It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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