I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
