i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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