so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
