My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
