Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
