I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
