I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
